sιno [7] dimension

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I want to die. It's when i thought everybody, everything can be back to normal, and now, things aren't ready to be normal again, or things are getting more complicated. I feel worse than the past 1 mth. It's the lowest point of my life so far. I tried to be normal, but you aren't. Why must i regret what i do always? Haiz, 心事谁能知?

And when i tried not to think of you, train just pass your station and just let me see you. And today when i watch Yu Le Bai Fen Bai, a girl same name as you. Haiz. God, stop all these games you're playing on me, please!? Haiz. Haiz. Haiz. I've no mood to blog what happened recently. 我还是不会放弃爱你，只想爱你. No matter what i do, i'm not given a chance.

; -s!no7;*
>12:54 am

Saturday, May 27, 2006

我没有什么好，只是好在有一颗超爱你的心。

Westlife - If i let you go

Day after day time pass away
And i just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows i hide it inside
I keep on searching but i cant find

The courage to show to letting u know
I've never felt so much in love before
And once again im thinking about
Taking the easy way out

(chorus)
But if i let u go i will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will i ever see you smiling back at me (oh yeah)
How will i know if i let you go

Night after night i hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
These no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a shame we're worlds apart

I'm to shy to ask i'm to proud to lose
But sooner or later i've got to choose
And once again im thinking about
Taking the easy way out

(repeat chorus)

If i let you go (Woo baby)
Once again i'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if i let u go i will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me (close to me)
Will i ever see you smiling back at me (oh yeah)
How will i know if i let you go

But if i let you go i will never know (oh baby)
Will i ever see you smiling back at me (oh yeah)
How will i know if i let you go

; -s!no7;*
>12:15 am

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I wanted to fall sick yesterday, and i did fall sick today. I wanted to go Orchard to walk walk, and i did. I wanted to spend money, and i did. I wanted to buy the black shirt, in the end i did. Took train home when it's around 6:50pm. Took a train that terminates at Yishun. Called Ping to ask if she's with Bernard. They passed me back my DVD-Rom, thank you. Waited for the next train that will stop at Jurong East.

Throughout the journey, i was listening to memorable songs. I am too bored and started looking around and think of things. I realised that Kranji till Yew Tee is very far away. And the train continued to head for Jurong East. When i am reaching this unknown station, mp3 was playing this song titled "Zhi Xiang Ai Ni", i started to look around, and when the train was stopping, and there's another train opposite, how i wish i could see her. Seconds later, the door closed, and the train moved to the next station, i couldn't find any sight of her, but still with high hopes as there's Jurong East... ***Jurong East Interchange, this train terminates at Jurong East, passengers going towards Boon Lay...blah...*** I was hoping to see her right in front of me, though i'm in at the centre of the train. Door opened, i walked out of the train, i looked right, i saw this girl standing in front of me at the door beisdes mine. And my heart just stopped. After that, i didn't really know how i felt, happy, sad, worried, angry or what?! I just walked away, so far away without any words or actions to her. Walked to the 5th door, entered the train that heads to Boon Lay, thoughts kept flying in. Why on Earth did i do that? What's God proving now? Sigh, tears actually fell off my chin on my way to Boon Lay, and at Boon Lay, i quickly rushed down to take a bus, i wanted to get home quick.

It's not that i'm attituded, or something. It's that i know things aren't the same as before, though my heart will still be.

; -s!no7;*
>10:16 pm

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Work up early, took cab to Boon Lay change train to Jurong East met Vincent Goh then go Harbour Front there eat. Then he go work his, i go work mine in Sentosa lo. Great colleagues there, they are so friendly. Khairul, Iskandar, Chua, Ruby, Rose, Dian and some uncles, yet to get their names in my mind.

Rose brought me around, i report 12.30, only start work at 1.30pm. 1 free hr! (: Today station at Underwater World. So many people ask me which bus to take to go where, that now i can memorise 90% of the bus lines in just hours. Dolphin Lagoon please?! Red Line over that, please queue up, thank you! Cable car? Green Line, next stop alight, or Blue Line but one whole round later, which is about 24mins sir?"

Dinner at 5.50pm alone, go Underwater World de carpark there eat free food given by the hotel. But the food sucks! 6.04pm, i report back to work, i am given 30mins, and i only use 14 mins to eat, drink, and toilet break. After dinner, i was sent to VDC. Guiding the guests to Harbour Front bus. What a tiring job, but it helped me not to think of anything! I was allowed to go off at 8.45pm. Another 15mins free $. Saw Madeline and co. and Wen Bang and Wei Jun today.

Report to VAC, took my bag, change back to my shirt as the uniform is pretty weird to be worn in the train. Took the bus to Harbour Front, took MRT and change 179 home. Walked past 7-eleven, bought 2 cans of Pocari Sweat, then i walked to by another dinner, or shld i say supper. I'm very hungry. Grrr.

Thank you Dominique for your invitation, but i wouldn't be going. Enjoy yourselves. And i will not blog often. Isolation rocks. What goes around comes around. If you treat people nicely, people will treat you nicely(there are exceptions)

It's not WHY i'm rejected. It's WHAT i can do to improve myself. You love him like how i love you. He may do things you did. Well, i'm talking crap. Good luck, open your tiny mouth to tell him what you want to say for months!

Because today i go work that time, heard my current blog song by Dong Jing Yue Tuan, i want to change another song now. I am unique. There's only one me. Don't copy me! And i don't want to be the same as anybody, and i don't want my stuffs to be the same as anybody's as well.

; -s!no7;*
>10:55 pm

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I know i'm not cute,
I know i'm not nice.
But i have a brain,
that miss you a second, twice.

No matter when it is,
no matter what i do.
Be it right or wrong,
I'll just do for you.

Time flies when you're around,
time crawls when you're away.
Mind full of you now,
sadness day by day.

At times love is sweet,
at times it's hurtful.
As long as i know,
love you yes i do.

Memories come and stay,
all in my warm heart.
I will die one day,
but memories never part.

Giving up is impossible,
hate you is a lie.
I know i am able,
to give it one last try.

Outcome doesn't matter,
as i had tried my best.
I'll still be waiting,
even if you detest.

; -s!no7;*
>1:30 am

Friday, May 19, 2006

Had a sweet dream that i think might never come true in real life. Everywhere i go, she's there. She made the wonderland look fantastic. Nice grass with beautiful flowers over the slope, under the blue sky and warm sun, we lie on those comfortable grass. Looking how freely the birds fly pass us, chit chat and laughters. How i wish when i'm with her, there are more than 24hours a day. Slowly we walked along the small stream, clear water with fishes swimming without trouble. We walk and walk against the breeze. Suddenly i hear some noise, it seemed irritating, the sound is trying to pull me away from this happy land with her, and ..... **RING~~~**

Yawnz, nice dream always tio disturb de, sigh! I can't get what i want, dream also can ba? Abit no mood, get myself ready for work, took cab again, as usual. Bought breakfast and peach tea. Morning everybody throw work to me, all say "Louis ah, urgent hor, URGENT!". All urgent do which one first? Wah lao. Lunch, go eat with Kwok and David lor. Kwok really, sigh~ Ate rice for lunch and then fruits.

After lunch, i continue to conquer my Mountain of Quotations. At 5:40, i reached the peak, yes! No OT! But that stupid David, always disturb me with her name that guy, ask me help him key things in excel, say i type very fast, must help him, if not he OT. Sian, i bo bian lor, sometimes he's really nice, so i helped him. I always "Mouth hard heart soft". If i ever say i don't want to befriend you, i want to give up, or what, those are all nonsense from my brain, my heart don't wish to do all these, please forgive! OT 30mins, then walk to take mini van to JP, rush down to Chinatown meet Dayne, Dom, Don, Ber, Jer, Ping lor.

Met them for dinner at the food court behind people's park centre. Ate noodles for dinner, then Dom ask me a very lame question, and i bet with him, if i really.... i'll cut my erm..head, but if i don't, everybody cut your heads? Then he say no. (: Sure, it's hard to love somebody for me. And when i do, i wonder when will this end... After dinner, walk to Chinatown MRT station, they plan what they want to do, i sit there. I don't want movie, i just don't have to mood to do anything. Sorry, but please understand. I head home while the rest don't know go where.

Reached home, i took leave for tmr by calling Irene. She let me off for tmr. Tmr i'll spend my day with sec sch friends, cause i wouldn't be meet any friends or anyone till 3rd week of sch reopen. I want to see how i've changed and how other's have changed. So don't jio me out unless i jio you. And for your information, i work 9am to 9pm usually, from Monday to Friday. Saturday 9am to 1pm, then head to Sentosa and continue my working marathon from 3pm to 10pm, Sunday will be 12pm to 10pm. Hmmm, so basically, i've no time for anything, friends, family, love, troubles, happiness, shopping, sports or whatever you can think of. I will be working 75hours a week, and working will take up 45% of my time. 49hours of sleep a week, which will be 30% of my time. 25% of the remaining time is for travelling, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bathe, blog, toilet breaks, etc. All these will only take up 42hrs a week. I'm working like hell starting this Sunday. Work till i drop...

Give up is just verbally phyco-ing myself, but deep in my heart i know, you are always inside.

; -s!no7;*
>11:09 pm

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Grrrr. Stomach made some sound to woke me up. Look at the clock, woot?! 8:30am!? Quickly change and stuff. Aiya, never watch Arsenal match. Sian! Yesterday slept quite late, chatted with Vincent Goh, Ruby and Scott. Scott very lame sia. Haha, when you want go back SP? Tell me, i must borrow FBI coat, then go investigate, while you go scouting for babes. =x

Bought carrot juice, 2 bun for breakfast. But not hungry till 12pm despite yesterday only eat lunch. Quite alot of POs and RFQs for me to print, fax, key and all lor. Lunch, me and David walk very fast, Kwok walking behind, aiya, we(same few ppl lah, Edward, Meiyen, Byron, David and me) dun like Kwok mah, so...i dunno... Had rice for lunch, and then after that eat papaya and melon lor. I am so healthy nowadays. Went back to office, help Kelvin do excel, 1000items, but easy lah, excel can drag the formular down de mah!!

OT ah OT, but very slack de OT. OT for 1hr 15mins, only 5mins need to do work only, 10mins slack, and 1hr me and David surf Friendster. Wahaha! But damn, he want see "her" face, then i bo bian show lor, then he say my taste very good, what nonsense! Then say i very failure, easy task like wooing a girl i also can fail, then ask me give him "her" email, friendster, i ask him go and die. We then walked to take mini bus to Jurong Point, 50cents per head. Ate Mos Burger for dinner, i really like the fries!

Talked quite alot lor, he is the most "gam" with me in Francois liao. Talk soccer, talk about his girlfriend and "her" lor. After dinner, two survey peeps appoarched us, they say David is my brother, what nonsense!? Then the guy talking to me wanted to out-talk me, ask me go join their duno what investment plans, but too bad, you are talking to louis, L-O-U-I-S, too bad, u lost, get lost as well! Thanks, and never appoarch me again!

Reached home online, bathe, drink soup, then now bloggin le lor. Recently everybody like rate this rate that hor, very nice meh? =/ By the way, take care of yourself and i mean it, you know it's you. And now, let me do something different.

Which drink are you??? (reasons in brackets) P/S: only 21/22 close buddies.

Bernard - Vakult (Kids love this drink as it usually come with toys)
Dayne - 60% alcohol Vodka (Too strong for me)
Dominique - Ice Milo (Whenever i'm sad, i'll drink this)
Don - Carlsberg (Probably the best beer? Over confidence!)
Huichun - Water (Can't live without a brother like him)
Huiping - Carrot Juice (Good for health, and i like to buy this drink)
Isabel - Ice Lemon Tea (Nice but very seldom i drink)
Jerlyn - Fresh Milk (Good for health, sweet)
Jeslyn - Green Tea (Nice and no gas)
Ruby - Liang Teh (Good for health, the taste suits almost everybody)
Scott - coffee shop kopi (Don't know today de kopi nice to drink anot?)
Seowyen - Coka Cola (Nice to drink, but sometimes too gassy)
Songling - Pepsi (I don't drink this often)
Terry - 1.5ltr of Sprite Ice (Tall, and "cold")
Wee - Pocari Sweat (No need reason la hor? Unique drink)

; -s!no7;*
>9:56 pm

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Grandma woke me up at 9am ask me why today never go work, i was too tired, forgot if i got reply her anot. But never mind, i go back to sleep. 10plus, kena ask same question again. -.-'', dun care, go back to sleep. Auto woke up at 11:30am, oh gosh, i am supposed to meet Dian at12pm at Harbour Front. I woke up, sms her i'll be there around 12:20pm, then i go wash face, brush, bathe, put contacts, pack bag, then leave house, took cab down le. 10bucks from my house to Harbour Front, hmm..

Reached there, took bus in, then change yellow line, go first office find the supervisor, ask me Saturday morning go training, huh, i got ITP lor. Sigh, the pay for this job is 5.60 an hour, 30min break, then must report to transport office, which is so ulu ulu. =/ After meet the supervisor, i go to Harbour Front alone, saw Aini, then walk walk, then after that go Plaza Singapura wait for Vincent Goh. Walk around and bought the Adidas Kaka shirt! Woot! Sweet! Yippie! After he arrived, we walked around and i bought a necklace with the letter "L" on it. So qiao, i want what, got what. I was thinking of buy a couple of days ago, with "crystals" on it de, today, i nv go find, then saw. Things really will appear if u dun purposely look for them. (:

Went to eat lunch, and go back Sentosa, Belinda wanna see me. She talked in the meeting, then say 2 weeks give notice. One thing very sian, Belinda side want me to work hor, then 5.40 an hour only, but with good supervisor but short working hours. Another side, the supervisor like dunno how to talk one, very quiet, then the office ulu ulu, pay good, and long working hours, which means more money, but the break is 30mins standard. *sigh* But one side ask me comb hair nicely, another side want me cut hair. Wah lao, i dun feel like combing those nerdy hairstyles or cut my hair lor! ):

After everything, i saw Xing Yi at the queue waitin g for bus back to Harbour Front there. So close, we still sms. But never mind lah, my billing month just started a few days ago. Her's i dunno. Me and Vincent go Jurong East find Alex and we go Kpool lor. After that, meet Weisiang, go play soccer. Keep losing, never score any goals till the last game, despite we lost 2-3, i scored the couple of goals! Yay, only person in team to score. After soccer, we all go play basketball lor, wah, my skills are still there, wahaha (:

These few days dunno why, i keep hearing songs i want to hear, be it through radio or mp3 with the mode "shuffle" or Kpool. Why like that ah? All so qiao meh? And oh yah, before playing pool, i saw Yong Ming at Jurong East Kbox. He working there, 800 a month, good enough le lah. At first i never see him de lor, is he come and say hi to me then i realised. Sorry pal. He told me he starting school in July, but what school ah, i forgot. Hmm, Shatec or NAPFA or La Salle? Aiya, forget.

Which job should i take now?! Hmm. Oh ya, as for you, though i've no time now, i think now, i'll leet everything go the way nature wants them to. Now, u're still in my heart and mind. As time pass, i dunno le. But i'll now stay put at where i am, and let nature arrange them for me. Oh ya Dom, dun tell anyone bout what i told u that night in MSN, about the things u say "Kong jiu shi she, she jiu shi kong" that one.. Ssshhhh!! Thanks!

-That's all folks-

; -s!no7;*
>11:47 pm

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Wee-Uuu-Wee, cab rides seem to be a part of my life, be it going to school or work. Taxi is what i take to and from, 50% of my journeys. Forget bring specs, lazy wear contacts = Chen Wei Lian. Today colleagues all made me look so blur, ask me do this do that, find this find that, then in the end no such stuffs de, they just stand there and see an obedient guy searching so hard for what they said they want me to find for them. sigh!

Sit Edward's seat today as he go for reservice for 2 weeks. It's between David and Melvin. Now i find that Kwok is getting more and more irritating! I think we gt generation gap lah. Sian! I gt two Sentosa working options to choose from, still deciding, how to decide wor. Hmm, tmr go there meeting then say.

Today no Melvin, working is so relax. Can use office phone to call others and disturb de. Play games online, cool man! Slowly, more POs appear in front of me, argh, stupid Stolt Nielsen, what the hell, why you always make me OT, wah lao eh! But luckily, the dateline all very far away. July 21st then they want to collect items? Woo. Helped alot ppl key urgent quotations today.

Ate at Pioneer Mall McDonald's, dun feel like eating de, but to avoid Kwok, me and David go eat Mc, i feel so bad, but really, Kwok, sigh, cannot click with us lah, as in Edward, Meiyen, Byron, David and me. Came back to office, took leave for tmr. Shiok! Can rest! I mean after those meetings and stuffs. Irene's back from Hong Kong, but she buy those food back for everybody, all say nice, only i say not nice, but really not nice lah, i eat until sian already i think.

OT for 30mins only today, then i walked to market there buy fruits, carrot juice, and dinner home. I am getting healthier i guess! (: Hopefully character and looks can change de...

My brain and heart also can't get along well with one another, brain decide to give up, heart stays put. Brain occationally has your face floating, but heart can hardly find you. Hmm. One day, i'll use permanent marker to write all my friends' names in my heart, in case i forget my friends in the future, but i won't write your name down. Cause you will never be forgotten and always on my mind.

; -s!no7;*
>11:28 pm

Diiiiiiidiiiiidiiiidiiiidiiiiiidiiidiiiii~ Alarm rang at 7:50am, same thing, woke up, off the alarm, get back to sleep. Woke up again at 8:25am. Yawnz, first time i took 3mins + still can't put in right eye de contacts, so i give up, as time's running out, i wear specs. =/ Talking bout specs, i saw one very nice one yesterday before i watch MI3, it's $200, i wanna buy it real soon! Back to the story.

Took cab to work, sigh, always waste money, dunno why. No new work on my table, i slowly do lor. Lunch with Kwok and David at Loyang, now i everyday eat fruits, to have healthy lifestyle. Healthy lifestyle makes one look better. And Rainie ever said, for those who can't get who they love, or kena ditched, or what shit, must look make themselves look better and with improved character. I'm now working on it. After lunch, Sentosa called, say meeting on Wednesday, yawnz! Alright! =/

After lunch, work alot, and keep coming, OT till 9pm still working. The system gave me problems but i wasn't angry or worried at all, i was so calm, so happy that OT got extra pay! Use Burney's computer to complete my work lo. Tmr will be very free and have no OT, cause Melvin is on leave! Yay! BEST LA! Went to 501 eat dinner, met Alex pass him back his CD-rom then i took bus home le.

I changed song already! Woo. Heavy rock thrown out of my small heart. Though it's crying inside, but at least i hear you say the words u wanna say out. I know we can never be the same again, and because of your words, i'll make myself a better person, keep working to improve. But i wouldn't go for meetings, gatherings frequently like i used to. Seeing me will be as rare as seeing a blue moon from now on. My brain can take it, but my heart can't. Everything needs time. ShaoLin temple, i'm heading for you!!!!

Sentosa on weekends is comfirmed. How about normal days after my ITP, anybody wanna hire me? I want to work, work and still work. No time of any other stuffs, i don't give love a chance to break my heart, mind and soul again.

; -s!no7;*
>12:06 am

Sunday, May 14, 2006

11/5
Went to work, walked. Work load, as usual, alot recently. Then keep working lor, table full of Stolt Nielsen. Edward never come today, then go lunch with new staff, Kwok. We talked alot lah, he gave me some guides. Hmm. Telling me which line i shld choose and stuffs. Went back, continue working till bout 8:15pm.

Then go Jurong Point collect new contact lens. Then Weisiang took cab down, then i joined in, head to Tiong Bahru, meet Salleh and birthday boy to be. Received call from you know who, ask me go Plaza Singapura, then threaten me say if i don't go, she don't go to Sentosa the next day. Actually, i'm learning to be evil to people. Even if i go, i can just look at you, think bout my own stuffs and things are never like the past again.

Weisiang and i alighted and walked to Burger King to meet them, then we go Thai Express eat. Ordered quite alot of food, only 4 guys, but never mind, Salleh's treat! Yippie! He is a great teacher and a good friend! He rocks! =x Then his colleauge came and meet us, and then we go sit in McDonald's. Another friend of his came, and then, it's like whatever i say, that two ladies, just laugh. Wah lao! Then made me paiseh, say i lovely and funny -.-'' where got?!

They later left for MOS for clubbing, and the rest, also the LAME members without Wee Lye, go Cine Kbox lor. Me and Weisiang treat the birthday boy, cause by then, it's already pass 12. After Kbox, we walked from Cine to Merlion there, sit, talk, joke for quite some time. It's 5:30 when we saw the first bus drove passed us, so we walked to City Hall, and we managed to take the first train!!! First time in my life!! Reached home, it's already 7:30am in the morning. Bathed and sleep lor.

12/5
Happy Birthday Vincent Goh! MQ! Haha! Woke up at 10:30am, get ready to meet Huiping at Jurong Point at 11:15. I took some time preparing my stuffs, then i took cab down. She was late! But never mind, cause i think i late more than her, so it's ok to wait for her once a while. Not too often though. She msged me say she coming Jurong Point to meet us, ask us wait for her, then i forgot what i replied already, but things don't matter anymore ya?

Kor, Jie, her and me take MRT to Harbour front lor. Then saw Jerlyn and Dominique. We went to eat McDonald's for lunch, while waiting for others. Dayne came when we wanted to leave Mc, then we bought few drinks, go take bus to Sentosa. Met Don and Yen at Arrival Centre lor. We then take bus, go beach, we walked from beach to beach. So hot, so tired!

Found a spot on a tiny island but then Yen say raining soon, so we moved back across the bridge and find one spot. We went to swim and not long later, rain started to drop on our heads, we quickly grab our bags and find a shelter. After that, we resume our events. Volleyballs, swimming and co. Played few games and the girls said they wanna bathe le. Then Kor, Don, Bro and me go play soccer with ppl there lor. Don say they Gattuso, where will?!

We kept winning, i had serveral great plays and of course assists to Don. Don was the top scorer as everybody would have predicted. Dominique had to be in the record books for the most misses in a day. Open goals and he bend it like Becks. Bernard had great saves at our goal too. But we are just too strong for the opponents to handle. With Rooney up front, Kaka supporting, Ljungberg's tackles and runs and Keane's defence and influence, they are not our greatest opponent, nowhere near our potential. Oops, but true. We had great games there.

After all these, we went to clean ourselves up, toilet full of ppl, we took turns to bathe, then we go to Sakae Sushi meet the girls. Had Sakae for dinner. After i ordered my first meal, i fell asleep, couldn't remember anything. Food came, ate it real quick, then order another one. After food, we walked to bus terminal and wait for bus, along the way, Dominique my bro, talked to me lor, listen to my problems and troubles. But actually nobody can help la, but thanks!

Hopefully that loyal player gets high salary soon in the club! I don't really want to go Shaolin, but i think i might be forced to. Took bus to Departure Centre, and we walked our way to Harbour Front. Me together with Dayne, Dominique and Jerlyn took train, and the rest took bus. MRT is surely faster.

Actually i hate seeing people disturbing you, but not to be good, i'll just have to treat it as i see nothing.

13/5
Due to late sleeping hours, woke up and i still feel tired. Find my contact lens and then took too long to settle my stuffs for work, so i was late. Today even more to do! Sigh! OT till 2:30pm and i go home, change and meet Vincent Kou since he asked me to pei him go Queensway see things he wanted to buy. Maybe next time i won't go with you le la Vincent, cause i can't be too nice to friends, cause if i do so, i will be better to those i love deeply, but all these i can't really control you see?

Ate rice for lunch, a very late lunch at about 4pm. Went Queensway, walked around, finally the ah-gua Vincent decide to buy the bag that i told him it's nice. I saw a specs very nice, wanted to buy de, but 200bucks. SIAO!

Went to his house after the shopping he did. Watched TV at his house and see what new things he's got in his computer. At 10pm, i left his house and go home le. Reached home, online and chatted with Ruby till 4am. We were nuts. We talked lots of things, and they are all so true. Ruby said i said some thing to her that's very nice, so i decide to blog here ba. Here they go...

If my mind is the sky, you'll be the clouds, you're everywhere inside my mind, you keep floating in my brain. And if you are really my target, why do i keep missing you? I can't really say i miss you actually, cause you're wherever i am, as you're in my heart, heart will go where i go. And my life is like a book, and those great moments with you are all written in this book. If one day i were to open this book again, i'll start from the moment i know you.

14/5
Woke up by alarm i set, but then took tired recently, lack of sleep, so i go back to bed and sleep till 2pm. Online, chatted with Ruby again lor. Then now i am blogging all these stuffs. I guess this will be the longest ever post i've ever blogged. Happy Mothers' Day to all great mothers in this world!

Why love somebody is so hurtful whereas being loved it so wonderful?
Why must we always regret what we did?
Why can a sentence made so much difference between relationships?
Why can't couples cherish their relationships when finding somebody you love and loves you in return is so difficult?

BEFORE that sentence, things were like these...
Lunch, no problem
Talk on phone lasts long
SMSes are common
MSN chats are not left out
Going out is frequent
Talking seems full and enjoyable
Treatment is much better

AFTER that sentence, things are like these...
Only 2 of us? DON'T WANT!
Phone calls usually last seconds
SMSes are rare
MSN seems to be appearing offline as there are no chats
Going out seems miserable
Talking to you is like talking to a "Hi-Bye" friend
Treatment is worse than anybody else i suppose

I regretted tell you that sentence, if i knew things would be like these, i rather keep quiet forever.
Why God loves to see me suffer in this event called "Love"?
But there are things just can't be explained.
I believe i can achieve.

; -s!no7;*
>3:25 pm

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Woooooo.. The wind blow gently towards my face.. Sounds around me seems louder and louder.. My fading dream seems to get further and further.. IT'S 8.30am! OMG! LATE! Rush everything, took cab to work and $4.30, GONE! =s

Nothing much for Stolt Nielsen, i dig out work to do, MSN with some buddies and friends. Lunch time seemed to be so far away, time moves so slow and i've to entertain myself with my own show. Finally, lunch time, and we(as usual with those colleagues) went to Pioneer Mall, they buy toto, i go find seat. Ate Yong Tau Foo for lunch, i queued up first, then Edward, Byron and Meiyen all follow. =/ No originality! HAHA!

Went back to Francois after a so-so lunch. Got abit scolding by Melvin, but today i don't feel anything, instead, i felt happy that today he actually got teach me things and motivate me! Ask me to work hard, and say i'm improving! Weeeee~ Chat with buddy through MSN till 5pm, and more RFQs and PO came! I didn't panic, i was so cool, slowly one by one do. I knew i can't escape OT and if i rush, there will be more mistakes. (:

Half of the office was empty by 6.15. I continue to concentrate on my work, slowly do, and Melvin walked to me saying "Good, alot ah? Actually can do tmr la, but good, hardworking, and also u are learning, you ask me questions, i reply you, cause i noe u are learning! I'm getting sick soon, dying i think...." i was like so happy, cause he praised me and also, he's getting sick! Means Kelvin will be taking over!!! But also, he said such nice thing to me and pat me on my back, aww, u seldom see Melvin doing so... Haiz.. I noe he's tired and stressed... but i can't help.. i am blur at times..

Melvin left office before me today, i still carry on my work, cause i noe there will be work tmr, if i can finish by today, why wait till tmr? Right? So i do and do and do, slowly, prevent mistakes, and i asked Kelvin if i can make a decision, he ask me better wait for Melvin's decision. And after that, Kelvin treat me biscuit!! ^^ Kelvin's a nice person!! And he play Jay Chou and Emil Chau songs!!! Wooo~ Cool! Haha, i left office at 8, no taxi claim, must walk home. SIGH!!

Took out my phone to msg somebody, but she never reply, maybe she's too tired or something. The route home looks very terrible. It's almost total darkness and the whole street is full of black ppl doing what i also cannot see. I was so afraid, i walked very fast towards Prime...

Talked to ex-colleagues, they keep disturbing me with their words. See me then say "eh, handsome come liao!!!!" -.-'' then whole supermarket de ppl all look at me... KAO! THEY KIDDING ONLY RIGHT? LOOK WHAT LOOK? Lol!!! Then one colleague's pregnant, then she ask me give her my photo, so her son can be like me like that.. -.-'' SIAO! Siao people, heng i no longer working there!!! Booo!!

I will be changing blog song soon, tell me if you actually read what i blog and listen to this song. =.= I am a sportsman... i can't give up easily! I may not always be the first to cross the finishing line on the track, but i can't give up, opponents may slip up any moment! And even if i shoot the ball and it didn't get in the basket, there's always rebound. I can't give up! When i shoot, keeper saves, he might just throw the ball to me, we just wouldn't noe what will happen. I wun give up!! No matter what i do, all i think about is you, but every little thing i do, never seem enough for you. =s

; -s!no7;*
>12:23 am

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

*Knock on the door* And i heard a voice that's so familiar calling me to wake up... "Time to wake up" are the words i heard. I slowly put away my blankets and quickly off the air-con as i feel so cold. As usual, do same things after i wake up and head to 17 Kian Teck Ave.

Seriously, i dunno why there's like nothing for me to do these 2 days. I have to dig work to do, which is so surprising for those in ITP. No fax come in, but i go find POs online and print them out and do. I'm so glad that Kelvin took over Stolt Nielsen for today. Kelvin is a better person than Melvin to me. Melvin dun teach me things and say i dun learn. Melvin make me work like hell and always ask me minimize my mistakes, as if i've many. Kelvin teach me things that i think nobody else in Francois would teach. Kelvin give me work in short cuts, and he usually do most of the job. Kelvin always say gan gan chiong, mistake nvm, i help u clear. That's the difference between 2 peeps. =/ And Kelvin can joke, Melvin cannot. =s

No OT today, which is so good! Yippie! Edward drove me and David to JP and we had dinner at Pizza Hut. It was an enjoyable and tasty dinner! xD After that, accompany him wait for taxi, and then i get my butt back to JP and look for my contact lens solution as i forgotten to purchase it last night. Am i getting forgetful?! Hopefully not. But i was just too lazy to get my cash out of my wallet to buy. So i walked to Bread talk, bought bread for tmr breakfast. Saw 242's queue end at the newspaper stall below the MRT track, which is damn long, i head to wait for 179 without much thinking. Alight at the old City Harvest church there, and i walked home.

Sentosa 5.60 per hour is waiting for me anytime. Sometimes i really wanna work myself to death. To keep myself tired and will not like/love/hate/think of anything/anybody, which sounds so nice. And when there's a chance, if you don't grab it, u may loose it forever. Grab hold to any chance that you see, and don't give up! Maybe we don't expect so much from other party, things will work out much better. If one's chance seemed to be gone, shout!!! Call back the chance and see if you still can make any difference to it. (:

Things usually don't go the way we want them to be. When i need cab, the whole street is just so peaceful. When i need bus 99, 242 keeps appearing. When you are in a hurry and u are in a cab, the traffic seems to be always red. When u want to find the thing u want, they usually don't appear. When we don't want all those, things happen otherwise. Green traffic all the way, whole street taxi blah blah blah...

Let me tell you all a story, a bird lost it's worm in a puddle of muddy water, it's so despo to find the worm back as it's its dinner. It kept searching using its beak and still can't find. The bird gets panic. Suddenly another bird flew down and tell this bird, "Calm down, when you calm down, things will go better, if you keep splashing the muddy water here and there, you can hardly see anything in the water, but let the water calm down too, and when the mud and water get into their places, u can see the thing u wanna find" Sometimes, humans are also like this. We are too panic, for example, my friend thought he lost his phone, he very gan chong, find here find there, actually he's holding on to his own phone. =/

But i still don't understand why things love to go against me usually? Do you think it's fun? Yawnz! Want to blog, blogger siao. Want to do this and that, computer always hang. What the hell is happening?! But since God arranged things this way, i think i'll just have to adapt to it?! Hmmm. If God don't want you to have what you want, no matter how hard you try, you wouldn't get it. If God thinks the situation has not reach it's prime for any further actions, no matter what you do, things wouldn't change. But i don't understand why can somebody work so hard and gets nothing, whereas some ass out there in the street, don't work for what they want, but yet they get it. Not all things can be explained, i noe... Hmmm... if impossible is nothing, why most of my goals seem impossible no matter how hard i try???

I don't care about forest, but if one supporting actor is not in the movie, it's no longer complete. Every single role is important, so is every single tree. I wouldn't give up, cause everything left now that i need, is just a precious little chance.

; -s!no7;*
>12:01 am

Monday, May 08, 2006

*Rooster screamed* *Alarm rang* It's time to wake up and get my body to office. Roll on the bed for minutes before the lazy guy finally opened his eyes. It's a brand new day and things shall go smoothly. Did all things that i should do, brought bread to work place. Find something to dress on, brush my hair with my hands and off i go.

Reached Francois with mins to spare, on my computer and things start to come. PO, RFQ, Quotations, one by one, i mean, one batch by one batch. Stared at the computer and fingers on keyboard, entering all the data that should be key-ed inside the system. Soon, it's 1pm and Mr Edward came to my place and asked me to go for lunch. We went to Pioneer Mall and 6 people having lunch together, it's really fun. And things are cheap, 3.50 for a wonderful lunch. Things seem that they can't get any better.

Reached back my table after lunch, not much work to do, still can surf internet, slack, MSN and things just keep going smoothly for me today. I thought OT could be possible as my computer hangs at around 5:30pm, i calmly restarted my computer and then, things go smoothly again. No OT, and when i was finding people for dinner, David asked me if i want eat dinner. Wooo! This is so cool, and then after MosBurger, we walked around, bought sunglasses and contact lens, then wait for taxi with him. He wanted to sent me home, but i think no need lah, he stay Hougang, and i stay JW. =/ LOL!

Then i meet up with Ping, Kel, CKA, Yog, Joseph and XZ lo. CKA and Yog left after awhile, and the rest of us go eat ice-cream, actually only they eat, i just sit there and stare at their disgusting gastures. =x After that, we walked XZ home, then took bus with Ping till Prime that bus stop, bought something to drink, and then eat, and talked and then sent her home as the whole street is full of Fanfan's boyfriend. HAHA! And i dunno why Ping keep laugh at what i speak on bus. ((:

We concluded that being nice is quite tough. We are nice people aren't we? Haha! Alright, i'm not. But my friends are! ((:

; -s!no7;*
>11:14 pm

Sunday, May 07, 2006

I certainly hate my computer. And laptop. I hate my computer's MSN! CAN SOME COMPUTER EXPERTS COME TO MY HOUSE???!!! I dislike problems going against me. Why?! Things do get sucky.

; -s!no7;*
>11:29 pm

Today nothing much to blog, woke up quite late today, at about 5pm, cause yesterday i mean, this morning very early then sleep. lol! about 3plus am. Chatted with Wee, Bernard and Ping online, then talked with Ping on phone lor. Nothing much. We tend to regret whatever we do if that matter means alot to you, but if that matter don't matter much, no matter what the outcome, we won't regret. Why ah?! Strange!

If there's a chance to prove my love, i'll do anything that will win your heart because i love you. And i don't mind giving up the whole world just for you. You mean too much to me that i can't afford to give up on you. If only things go the way we want, this world would be perfect. Whenever people gets near you, i feel so bad cause i just don't want to lose you. I love you. (:

; -s!no7;*
>10:56 pm

Woke up by Ping, then talk talk talk, sleep again. Woke up by her again, then i was late, so i took cab down to meet her at Jurong Point. Bought some thing, then go take train to Lakeside, wait for Bernard, then meet Wee at Jurong East. Go Harbour Front buy things first, i pay. -.-'' LOL! Then buy volleyball, i pay! -.-'' Buy things i also dunno what they bought, just let them choose, then i pay money. =s

Dom and Dayne reach le, go eat lor, then wait for that stupid Terry, so long de...!!! Then take dunno what van to Palawan beach. Settle down, go bathe, i mean swim. The sea bed is so "hairy", full of weeds, then we swam over to the little island and back. Nobody wants to compete swimming de! NO FUN! HAHA! Btw, the water is so "clean".

After that, soccer session. Kaka ^^, haha!! Don left us liao, jiu volleyball session. They are so pro! As in, unknowns. Haha!! Why not qie basketball or say.. track? =x Ooops! Keke. After that go bathe le. Walk walk walk to Siloso beach see the "Nokia defend your turf" soccer. Then continue to walk, see the musical fountain. It's like so retarded!! =x But people want to see and like jiu hao. Later walked to Wee's ex-work place, and from there, we continued our way to Harbour Front by WALKING.

Ate New York pizza for dinner, crap awhile and we all head home!! Xiao Zhu go home with Da S, Aisha and Xiao Gui. xD Actually wanted to send you back, just that i dunno how to say, it's just too ulu and dangerous. But nvm~!!

Below is my blog song and the whole lyrics is about my life now. Please listen and read and sing. =/

; -s!no7;*
>12:45 am

杨丞琳-只想爱你

我终于还是说了一句我爱你
还记得那个微凉夜里天空正飘着小雨
心跳的声音像舞动奇迹
你看着我说千万不要爱上你
因为你只会让我伤心别傻了快点喊停
你那么冷静忽远又忽近
我知道我对你来说也许太年轻
我想我猜我问我终于了解
原来为爱流的眼泪也是种甜蜜滋味

只想爱你当我和你走在一起就已经决定
不看不听不问也不会放弃
是你让我了解自己可以为爱那么坚定

只想爱你好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你
我知道我偶尔有一点任性
不管你做任何决定究竟爱我还是逃避
sorry我还是不会放弃爱你
sorry我还是不会放弃
我还是不会放弃爱你

; -s!no7;*
>12:43 am

Friday, May 05, 2006

Wah sia, today woke up jiu rain so heavy, took cab to office, reached office 5 mins early but WET. =/ And then reach office de door, "KAI MEN JIU SHAN", open door see my table machum mountain. =/ As usual, i gave myself encouragement and motivation from nowhere. Chiong ah~!!!
Lunch go Pioneer Mall eat. Double lunch again, wahaha~!! Go back office continue my battle with the POs. At 3, i feel so relaxed, chit chat with Dom till bout 4? And Melvin say OT till 10pm. =s SIAN DIAO! Then i stay for OT lo, nothing much to do de, but then do until 9pm, Melvin drove me to market there then i buy dinner, go home eat, and now i'm online doing nothing. I think i found a song i want to put for now. ^^ GREAT LYRICS YA?!

Click here and see the flash that's quite alike...ya, if u noe what i mean.. lol.. http://www.flashlands.com/flash_view.php?id=127

; -s!no7;*
>9:58 pm

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Sat on a seat that i've not sat on for days. On the computer that has not been on-ed for days. Every thing seems so strange, as if they are out of position. Everybody in office seems to be very busy and they didn't bother bout me much. The first moment i stepped in the office, i feel so new to the place. I couldn't find my card to punch at first, but slowly, and finally, i found the card which says "LOUIS".

Poor David Wee had been doing all my Stolt Nielsen work for the pass few days. Poor him!! But thanks bro! (: He pass me back all the Stolt Nielsen POs and then i just print them, and key, key and key. Eyes were tired, and i need to rest. Went to toilet, close the door, sleep. Wahaha! Too tired, you can't blame me for doing so. That's the nice way of eating snake.

Lunch time!!! Woo!! Edward drove us to Third Loyang there eat, today i was the only one eating two meals! Mei yen treat me Roti John, aka my second lunch. David Wee treat me fruit juice, Edward treat me green tea! Woo, i love my colleagues! ((:

Tomorrow is another tiring day to come, and it's Friday, a day, most like will tio OT de. Hopefully Melvin is not in bad mood tmr, hopefully he's just like the Melvin today, so nice and i love working under the NICE MELVIN. xD

Edward said Melvin was trying to kill me, he was sharpening his knife due to my longgggggg MC. Haha!! No more next time!! ((:

After some thinking i've made during my daydreaming session at work, i think my heart does not want me to give up, but my brain seems to be forcing me. Phew, don't care lah! Let's GAY!! Wahahaha!! Things don't matter anymore~?! I still hate the MRT route, can they move the whole track away?! And i love to draw maps, Ruby knows what i mean for sure. xD

; -s!no7;*
>10:58 pm

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

These few days, i keep waking up half way through my sleep, then change shirt sleep again, cause my shirt too wet, cause i'm hot. =/ This morning eat breakfast, online awhile, then afternoon go Vincent house at CCK, but meet at Lot 1 first.

Took bus to Boonlay, took train to Jurong East, and then take to CCK. I hate taking the train that goes towards CCK. If i can choose, i would take the train from City Hall. Cause i just want to forget things. Brought medicine, lappy over. Play, transfer movies and so on. Konglong smsed, then call her back talk lor, gt let her talk to Vincent also. Haha!

Dinner time, his mum cook, food nice! ((: Thanks auntie! LOL! Then slowly his bro and dad one by one come back home. Me and him watch Big Mama House 2 in his room. After that, i want go home le, jiu ask him walk me to Lot 1, then go Mc sit down talk, wait for Yiwen to go take train together. She today first day work at Lot 1, then let me spot dao. Wahaha! Took train to JE, she wait for her BF, i go home lor. Took 242, then reach Prime there, bus broke down. -.-'' And i got a ticket by the bus driver and it says "Complimentary ride 03 MAY 1 free trip" Wahaha!

Actually i don't wish to give up. But i noe things NEVER come my way, so i gave up.

; -s!no7;*
>11:44 pm

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

8.45am, called Francois, nobody pick up, go back to sleep. 9.04am, called Francois, Khai picked up and i told her i MC again. She said "Huh, take care!!!!" so loud. =/ lol. But thanks. Went to ACER to get my MSN messenger done first, then go see doctor. Another 2 days of MC, another 3 medicines. Now i've 10 different kinds of medicine. I called Francois telling them i not going to work again tmr, Susan picked up this time and told me same thing, she still added "drink more water" =/ I drink alot of water le. =s

I'm so sick sick sick! I'm so poor poor poor thing. Never to treat people nice again, cause it's much lesser than what i least expected. Never to love, cause i bet i'll only be another trap. Never to joke, cause nobody will die without jokes.

; -s!no7;*
>11:12 pm

I think i resign from blogging. I think i should not join group gatherings too often. I think i've lost a once close nice friend. I think i should stay away from everything. I think i should give up on everything. I think i should let everything fall on me. I think i can't stand my own foolishness anymore. I think i'm naive. I think i'm useless. I think i'm a failure. I think i'll never be the same. I think i need a break, a long break from everybody. I think i'm all alone. I think i have to stay lonely. And now, i love nobody.

; -s!no7;*
>12:25 am